Choosing Love (Hero Hearts: Historical) Page 6

  “Thank you, but it isn’t necessary. I’m happy to pay your regular rate, and anyone would have done the same as I did.”

  “I doubt they would. Most people shy away from anything that might endanger themselves.” Mr. Wilson put his hands on the counter and leaned forward. “I saw all manner of people walk by those they could easily help when I lived in Fort Worth. I moved here hoping to find a community who care about each other.”

  “Is business doing well?” Hayden tried to move the subject away from himself. Mr. Wilson had only recently opened the store. He was new to town and Hayden was interested in how his transition had been.

  “It is, both here and in Fort Worth. My son is wishing he’d not been so eager to push me to move here, I think. He’s finding out just how much work it is to run a successful store.”

  “I’m sure he will adapt. You just make it all look too easy,” Hayden said, honestly. Mr. Wilson always made everything he did seem effortless. The store was kept immaculately clean and tidy, he moved between his customers with grace, seeming to know everyone by name, even though he was fairly new to town. And he always seemed to stock whatever was needed.

  The bell above the door tinkled, and Mr. Wilson peered over Hayden’s shoulder. “Good day to you, Miss Holdsworth,” he said brightly. “I shall be just a moment.”

  Hayden’s heart began to beat faster before he even turned around to see the emerald eyes that haunted his thoughts. His hands felt clammy, and his mouth was dry. Of all the places to bump into Rebecca Holdsworth, this cramped space was not one he had even considered. His hair was mussed, and he was wearing a scruffy pair of pants and an old brushed-cotton shirt with paint stains on it. He hadn’t even considered that popping across the road to the store might mean he might bump into anyone who would care about his appearance.

  “How are you?” he asked Miss Holdsworth shyly.

  “I am quite well, thank you. Have you recovered from your exertions on everyone’s behalf?” she asked, the corner of her full lips lifting in a wry smile.

  They had seen one another since the fire, and she always asked him the same question if there was anyone present. It amused him, as if they were carrying on a clandestine relationship that nobody might know about.

  “I must confess I was quite exhausted the day after. I don’t think I noticed it at the time,” he admitted.

  “We’re all grateful,” Mr. Wilson said, passing over a wrapped package with all Hayden’s items within it. “And, good luck with your repairs.”

  Hayden made as if to leave the shop, though he turned to look back at Miss Holdsworth before he opened the door. She was now standing at the counter where he had been just moments before, and she turned and smiled at him.

  “Good day to you both,” Hayden said then made his way out onto the street.

  He didn’t know whether to wait for Miss Holdsworth, or to go home. He wanted to speak with her, wanted to know how she really was. He’d heard the rumors about Old Man Jenkes’ being sick, and that she had been at the Jenkes’ ranch nearly every day. He wanted to know that she was not too emotionally drained from her own actions. It took a quiet kind of heroism to be there for others at their time of need.

  Thinking himself foolish for even considering that she might wish for his company or counsel, after all she was affianced to another man, Hayden was just about to cross the road and go home when the door behind him jangled and Miss Holdsworth stepped out of the hardware store. Now he could see her in the bright sunlight, he could see that she was pale and tired. He wished he could erase all her cares and woes for her.

  “I am glad you waited,” she said softly. “I should be appreciative for your assistance. I had not realized how much Allison needed me to get for her. Mr. Wilson is to bring it around front, but could you assist me in loading it into the gig?”

  The brim of her bonnet shaded her face, but she dipped her eyes, her lashes brushing against her cheek in an almost coquettish manner. If he did not know better, he might think she was flirting with him. He felt a flutter in his belly and he was suddenly nervous. He didn’t want to misconstrue her actions or cause her any embarrassment, but for the first time he began to wonder if she might be even a bit interested in keeping company with him.

  “I would be delighted to help you. You said you are here for Allison? Is Miss Jenkes well? It must be so hard for her, and all of her siblings right now.”

  “She is being brave and strong, but she is heartbroken,” Miss Holdsworth said frankly. “Coby is much the same, though it would appear that nobody else in the family much cares about anything other than their share of the old man’s wealth.”

  “I am sorry to hear that. The man has been a keen supporter of the school, especially once Kieran began attending. He’s very generous.”

  “I only hope that he was as astute as everyone said he was and that he saw who in his family truly deserved his affection, and his legacy,” Miss Holdsworth said bitterly.

  “I know that there is little love lost between the older siblings,” Hayden admitted. “It happens in the very best of families. My elder brother cannot stand me, but he will inherit everything from my father because Papa is disgusted that I should waste myself on being just a schoolmaster.”

  “Just a schoolmaster?” Miss Holdsworth said, incredulously. “But, you are an excellent teacher and you are highly respected in the community. And you’re a true hero. What more could any father want?”

  “Maybe a son who wished to expand his shipping empire and make the family even more money?” Hayden said with a grin. “Thankfully, my father had another son who was more than happy to do just that. But, I doubt he will ever forgive me and I know that I will have been written out of his will. But no matter. I’m doing as I wish and there is true fortune in that.”

  Miss Holdsworth was silent for a moment. She looked up at him, her eyes searching his features for any signs that he regretted his decision. But, Hayden was sure she would find none. He truly loved his work, and Springville. He’d meant what he said doing work you believed in was where fortune was found. There had not been a single moment that had passed when he was not grateful he had ignored all his father’s threats and admonishments.

  “You truly know who you are?” She looked at him with admiration and he felt his heart soar.

  “I doubt any man, or woman, can truly answer that affirmatively,” he said. “But, I have no regrets in my choices so far. I am happy and quite content where I am.”

  “I wish I could say the same,” she said wistfully. “But, to be a woman is difficult. At least it is for me. We have no choice but to do as our fathers, or husbands wish. At least you can choose even if there are consequences.”

  Hayden wondered if she was alluding to her upcoming nuptials. It had been hard not to notice that she hadn’t seemed entirely thrilled at the idea of it at the supper some weeks previously.

  “You can, too,” he said softly, though he didn’t really believe it. He knew all too well how hard it was for a woman to choose her own path. Veronica had defied her own father to marry him, and it had broken her heart. She’d loved him dearly, but she’d never gotten over the disappointment she’d caused her father. Their relationship had never mended.

  “No, that’s not a woman’s lot in this life,” Miss Holdsworth said sadly as Mr. Wilson appeared carrying a stack of wooden boxes.

  Hayden hurried to take them from him and followed Miss Holdsworth to her gig. He packed them carefully into the neat little buggy and then helped her up into the driver’s seat. She lifted the reins and smiled down at him. “A woman would be lucky if she were to be your wife, or your daughter, I think. You might be the only man I know who would let a girl be herself.” With that said, she drove off without even saying goodbye.

  He watched as she drove her pony expertly along the street until she turned off to return to the Jenkes’ ranch. Hayden wasn’t sure what had just passed between them, but he was sure that a level of intimacy had been unexpectedly
reached between them. He wondered if anyone else knew that Miss Rebecca Holdsworth wanted more than just to be a wife to an important local citizen and mother to his children. He wondered if anyone even cared. He did. He wanted her to be his wife. He longed for them to have a bright and headstrong daughter who would be prepared to break the rules and live her own life. But, it was hopeless. Life was as it was, and Rebecca was promised to another man.

  Feeling a little confused at the change in Miss Holdsworth’s behavior towards him today, Hayden made his way home and set about fixing his back door. He was sure that Rebecca had been flirting a little with him, but she hadn’t ever seemed to be the sort of woman to lead a man on when they had met before. She had been demure and shy and had behaved impeccably. Not that she had been indecorous this afternoon, but there had been definite batting of the eyelashes, and mischievousness in those emerald eyes of hers.

  Something had changed. When they’d met, Rebecca had been miserable and subdued from that first evening, right up until today. Today she was almost bouncing despite her obvious concern for Allison, Coby and Old Man Jenkes. Maybe she was just shy, and it had taken her a few meetings to put that behind her, but Hayden doubted that. Something was definitely different, and it made her even more enticing.

  Hayden put down his hammer, as his mind was racing so much he did not trust himself not to hit his thumb with the hammer. He stopped for a moment to determine what that had been different about her today. Miss Holdsworth was a good and dutiful young woman, but he’d seen a glimpse of a girl who had dreams that were bigger than just being a wife.

  He wondered what she would do, if she had been born a man. He had a feeling that she could be quite formidable if given the encouragement. She was bright and articulate, and clearly cared for others. But he doubted that Coby Jenkes would ever want a wife who had ideas of her own. Most men wouldn’t want that at all.

  It wasn’t something Hayden wanted to admit, especially given that there was nothing he could do about it, but he was falling in love with Miss Rebecca Holdsworth. He wished he could be her husband, so he could give her the freedom she needed to become all that she wanted to be.

  Veronica’s face flashed through his mind. He wondered what his wife would think of his foolish musings. No doubt she would have laughed at him. But, he had no doubt that Veronica would not be angry at him for falling in love again. Though she might be disappointed for him that his heart had chosen someone he couldn’t have.

  He wished he could talk to Veronica now. She had always been so wise about such things as matters of the heart and had been able to read people as easily as he could read a book. She would know why Miss Holdsworth’s behavior towards him had changed. Veronica would have been able to tell him if he was crazy to keep hoping that there might still be a chance for him.

  Chapter Eleven

  As she lay on her bed, Rebecca clasped her hands over her heart as she thought about her unexpected meeting with Mr. Galsworthy at the general store. She couldn’t thank Allison enough for having asked her to handle her errands otherwise Rebecca might never have been able to see him.

  She’d been so tempted to tell him that she would not be marrying Coby Jenkes. For some reason she had a feeling he may be just as happy about such news as she herself had been. But, it would be wrong to tell him when nobody else knew. It was right to wait, and for the news to come out at the right time.

  Mama and Papa had been arguing, again. Every night this week they had been at each other’s throats. Rebecca sometimes wished that they could be happy together, but over the years she had come to realize that such a wish was foolish and naïve.

  She didn’t doubt that Mama would soon return to Aunt Julia’s house in Fort Worth, under the pretense that more assistance was needed with the new baby. The fact that the child had two nannies, along with a chambermaid to take care of anything that Aunt Julia felt beneath her seemed to have passed Mama by.

  Since Aunt Julia found out she was expecting, Mama had spent more and more time there. She said she needed to give her sister the benefit of her experience and help her through the first months of motherhood.

  In some ways Rebecca had missed her, but in others, she and Papa got along much better without her. Papa let Rebecca be herself. He didn’t scold when she showed too much interest in the ranch. He showed her how to care for the calves, and how to milk the cows. Mama would have been appalled to know she’d been doing work that a genteel lady should never be exposed to. But, Rebecca loved all of it. From riding out to check on the animals, to cleaning out the barns, she found an incredible sense of purpose and pleasure being at her father’s side.

  Her stomach growled loudly. Rebecca crept down stairs to the kitchen to fetch herself a slice of bread with jam. She didn’t want to disturb her parents. Things were hard enough. But, as she reached the kitchen, she couldn’t help but overhear their sharply spoken words.

  “If life at Julia’s is so much better, then perhaps you would be happier there?” Papa said quietly. Rebecca could hear the depth of emotion in his voice. He was clearly sad and angry, and broken-hearted.

  “She needs me,” Mama said, her voice sharp and bitter. “It has nothing to do with what is better.”

  “From the moment she married Harold you have been this way, Frances. I know you thought I would be a man of business, working in the bank. You thought we’d be in the city and you could live the life of a real lady. I let you down when I chose to leave a world I hated to come here. I don’t blame you for wanting more.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I simply wish to help my sister as she adjusts to motherhood,” Mama said, but the quaver in her voice told Rebecca that Mama knew she was lying to Papa—and to herself. Papa had been right. She hadn’t been happy since they’d come to Springville. She hadn’t ever wanted to be a rancher’s wife.

  “Go, Frances,” Papa said wearily. He sounded so beaten, so unhappy. Rebecca wanted to rush into the parlor to console him. But, she held herself back. It would be wrong of her to take sides, to make her Mama feel she’d chosen Papa over her.

  “Go to the city. Live with Julia and Harold. She’ll be more than delighted to have you there. Harold will be happy Julia has company given how little time he spends at home. Come and visit us when you want. I can come and see you, maybe we can go to the theatre from time to time. We can try and remember why we once loved one another,” Papa said.

  “I love you still,” Mama said, her voice sounding small and fragile. “I just cannot live this way. Here. I would like it very much if you would come and see me.”

  “Then that is how it shall be. You can live the life that suits you. I shall live the life that suits me, and maybe if we are both happier you might be able to let Rebecca be herself, too. She shouldn’t have to marry anyone just because you’re unhappy with your own life.”

  “You think I have made her unhappy?” Mama said, her voice sounding surprised at such a thing.

  “You have forced her into a marriage she dreads,” Papa said. “Of course you have made her unhappy.”

  “I did not mean to. I thought she cared for Coby, and the Jenkes’ can give her the kind of life I always dreamed of. I want her to not have to worry and to have an easy life. Doesn’t every mother want that for her daughters?”

  “But she isn’t you, Frances,” Papa reminded her. “She’s her own person. If you’d pay attention to her you’d realize she couldn’t care any less about money or balls and luxuries. She wants to learn and work and be out on the land.”

  “On the land?” Mama said. “Why would any young woman want such a thing?”

  “Because she knows it. She loves the process of growing a herd and all that comes with it,” Papa said.

  Rebecca had heard enough. No longer feeling hungry, she returned to her room feeling sad and concerned. It was clear that her parents had never been happy, had never had anything in common – and despite their clear and obvious love of each other had still be unable to make their marriage work.<
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  She did not doubt that there would be all manner of gossip if Mama did go to live in Fort Worth. She wondered if she and Papa were strong enough to face it – especially once word got out that her engagement with Coby was to be broken. People could come to believe all manner of things – and no doubt there would be rumors of infidelity, or of Rebecca and her Mama’s being cold and unfeeling.

  Whatever happened, it would be clear that when a few weeks, or months had passed and Mama had not returned that her parents’ long marriage had come to an unsatisfactory end. Rebecca knew that many couples continued to live together, pretending that everything was good in their relationships, fighting behind closed doors. But few people were brave enough to weather the storm of gossip that would undoubtedly come if a woman chose to live somewhere other than the family home.

  She and Papa would find it easy to avoid the townsfolk. There was always so much to do on the ranch that they need never go into Springville, except for church. They had always been known for being quiet, and keeping themselves to themselves. But, Rebecca no longer wished to be quiet and unseen. She was finally learning to enjoy the attentions of others, actually one other person, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to give that up.

  How would Mr. Galsworthy view her, should Mama leave Papa and go to Fort Worth? Would he still be endearingly polite, and nervous and chivalrous towards her? She doubted it. Her family would be broken and so would she. What man would want to take that on?

  Maybe she should go to Coby and tell him she’s changed her mind. She might be better to get him to agree to let their betrothal stand. At least if she were married to the wealthiest and most powerful man in the area nobody would dare talk about her behind her back. Maybe her mother would even choose to stay in Springville if she married into the Jenkes family. But, that would make neither of them happy.

  She would have to face whatever came their way because, even though Mama had always made Rebecca feel that she was never good enough, Rebecca loved both her parents very much. They both deserved to be happy. She cuddled up under her blankets, hugging her knees to her chest, praying that their contentment would not come at a cost to her own future, then berating herself for being so selfish.